Best OF The Week That Was..

NEET exam results were released and we saw new benchmarks being set for dowries. I wasn’t surprised to see Haryana on the list of better performing states though, how else can they continue winning at the annual “female foeticide” festival in India ? But these exams are grueling, especially when you have to face half the population of Europe every summer.

Women always seem to be destined for supremacy, pick any girl from any class and she will pretend the earth is coming to an end because she scored just 98% in her exams.

I though have always been fascinated with their pencil boxes, you will find an array of objects which are used for writing, highlighting, underlining or quoting Shakespeare in Math problems. Welcome to the week that was.

• I went through a period of PTSD recently after watching Chernobyl, it reminded me of my attempts at understanding Chemistry back at school. I have always bracketed people people who love Chemistry under “STAY AWAY”. It’s one subject which I never understood.
  One summer in Mumbai my parents had my uncle (who happens to be a very senior figure at BARC) go through some concepts in Chemistry, it resulted in him diagnosing me as a victim of the Bhopal Gas Tragedy. He is a man of science, and expressed great disappointment and refused to speak to me for a while because I chose Commerce . He did eventually give in after I reminded him I was a victim of the Bhopal Gas Tragedy. But anyways fuck Chemistry !

• So what happens when you get caught for drunk driving ? Apart from putting across an Oscar worthy response with an emotional range of “kya to KYA”, you are given a court date but not before being herded into a room like cattle for a counselling session where they play “papa kehte hain” for 2 hours straight.
  While the counsellors are under the illusion they are doing gods work, little do they know that the room has become a dick measuring contest for the folks there who brag about their drinking capacity to each other. Needless to say, most of them head to a bar after the session. I think this is a great model to meet like minded people. Right ?
• Morale Compassing should become our official sport. The government so far has banned porn, a game, an app and even reddit for having porn content in it. Not satisfied yet, they go on and stamp their authority on movies even after grading it “A” coz the movie showed 2 lips meet. I mean how else can we tackle rape and assault issues in the country ?
  Recently a franchise I enjoy, John Wick had to feel the heat and was cut short by 6 minutes. We are evolving from a generation where gyrating on screen is allowed, but when it comes to kissing we still have to show two flowers. But how far have we actually progressed ?
  The board has to understand their role is to allot grades for viewer discretion and not because the kid that tags along the parents for movies might get uncomfortable. I know many of my friends who are waiting for a good print of John Wick to download and enjoy the untouched version.
  Movies are an experience which has to be experienced the way the director wants us to and no other way. This is the sad state of cinema in our country today. As we progress towards an online heavy content, there are glimpses that the board might dip their scissors into this medium too. If this does come true I will completely support piracy.
• So what happens when you get caught for drunk driving ? Apart from putting across an Oscar worthy response with an emotional range of “kya to KYA”, you are given a court date but not before being herded into a room like cattle for a counselling session where they play “papa kehte hain” for 2 hours straight.
  While the counsellors are under the illusion they are doing gods work, little do they know that the room has become a dick measuring contest for the folks there who brag about their drinking capacity to each other. Needless to say, most of them head to a bar after the session. I think this is a great model to meet like minded people. Right ?
• Morale Compassing should become our official sport. The government so far has banned porn, a game, an app and even reddit for having porn content in it. Not satisfied yet, they go on and stamp their authority on movies even after grading it “A” coz the movie showed 2 lips meet. I mean how else can we tackle rape and assault issues in the country ?
  Recently a franchise I enjoy, John Wick had to feel the heat and was cut short by 6 minutes. We are evolving from a generation where gyrating on screen is allowed, but when it comes to kissing we still have to show two flowers. But how far have we actually progressed ?
  The board has to understand their role is to allot grades for viewer discretion and not because the kid that tags along the parents for movies might get uncomfortable. I know many of my friends who are waiting for a good print of John Wick to download and enjoy the untouched version.
  Movies are an experience which has to be experienced the way the director wants us to and no other way. This is the sad state of cinema in our country today. As we progress towards an online heavy content, there are glimpses that the board might dip their scissors into this medium too. If this does come true I will completely support piracy.

• Cult : A fitness centre endorsed by 2 rubber bands from Bollywood, I had to sign up. Now the good thing is, they have 10 different exercise options to choose from. The bad thing is people still stare into the mirror holding on to their biceps like it would jump off from their arms. Anyways, I love it. The variation is what keeps me going.
  I recently mustered up and gave boxing a chance and good mighty lord, I think this maybe the best decision I’ve taken all year. It’s like I punched open my box of Dopamine, and for no reason I was happy for the rest of the day.
• Yoga : It took the western worlds acceptance for yoga to become mainstream in it’s home country. To calm the demon inside, my mother started sending me for yoga when I was in Class 3. She even took me to a fart festival which also happened to be Ramdev Babas yoga camp. I kid you not it was an orchestra of farts for 90 whole minutes. I am also sure few of those sounds were of souls exiting the body. Anyways, these yoga class are intense. At cult this is my mind in action :
  Step 1: Fold Hands (Oh this is easy)
  Step 2: Wait just 3 Deep breathes. (What is the fuss about ?)
  Step 3 : Raises one leg touching the left eye while the other leg is scratching the right ear. (Yup I am a fan of Ramdev now)
  Step 4 : Untangle body parts that you weren’t aware existed (Question : where is the pain coming from, the soul or the body ?)
  Step 5 : Paralysis.

This is some of my favorite bits from The Week Gone By editions. Hope you enjoyed revising them.